


Waiting On The Right Words

by sstensland



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Doesn't Know How To Deal With Feelings, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Brief Mentions of Parental Death, Exes to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Maratelle as a good step mom, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, brief mentions of cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstensland/pseuds/sstensland
Summary: Armitage Hux has avoided Arkanis for the last twelve years. His life has been good. Great, even. He has a nice apartment in the nicest area of the city, a decent handful of friends, and he recently just got a promotion. What more could he ask for?When he gets a call from his step-mother, Maratelle, asking him to come home, he almost says no. Guilt forces him to come. However, when he arrives, Armitage runs into the last person he would have ever expected.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 53
Collections: Kylux Fanworks Secret Santa 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PalenDrome (nerdherderette)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdherderette/gifts).



> Happy Holidays, nerdherderette! I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> The second part should be up sometime tomorrow/Monday depending on my travel schedule (I'm sorry).

Arkanis; it’s been so long since he’s stepped foot here. Since the Academy, he supposes. Back when he was still young, naive. When he thought he could still win the love of his father. What a joke that had been. Armitage Hux knows better now. He knows that his father never loved him and never would. Knows that he was never the son that Brendol wanted. 

Now, twelve years later, here he is, standing at the corner of Vensenor and Fourth. Older, wiser, with what feels like the experience of a thousand different lives, he should know better. Armitage should have never have come home, but he had grown tired of Maratelle’s calls and pleas. The holidays were always a special time for her, he remembers: the one time of year where Armitage and Brendol tried to like each other with Brendol drinking away his guilt and Armitage drinking to kill time. 

It should not have mattered that it would possibly be Brendol’s last Christmas alive. He should have kept his bearings and refused. That would have been the smart thing, but… Armitage had never hated Maratelle. She had always been kind to him when Brendol wasn’t around. Understanding, even when he had thrown an occasional temper in his youth. He never understood it. She had every right to hate him; he was the child Brendol’s affair, the crack in their otherwise presentably perfect marriage. But, she had taken him in when his mother had died. Had clothed and fed him when his father barely acknowledged him. After all she had done for him, how could he say no to her? 

Armitage lets out a deep breath as he walks to the first house on the corner. White lights trim around the edges of the roof and porch and the flag that he remembers growing up telling everyone who drives by to have a “Merry Christmas” waves in the light breeze. Simple, elegant. Enough decoration to settle Maratelle’s need and practical enough for Brendol to not throw a fuss about the unnecessities — a compromise that Armitage still doesn’t know how Maratelle pulled it off, though, he supposes Brendol is far kinder to those he loves. 

When he reaches the door, he smiles at the sight of the wreath. The circle of green pine had been made from the best quality material Maratelle could find. He remembers Maratelle patiently putting it together, cursing under her breath when it didn’t go the way she wanted. He was twelve at the time, the year before he was shipped off to the Academy. Armitage helped her then, carefully stringing the multicolor bulbs within the needles. And, then, hidden just behind one of the red bulbs: a tiny reindeer he had thought he was so clever in sneaking in. Maratelle knew, of course, and even helped him secure the little thing in place. 

The smile lingers on his lips as he reaches up to touch it. Nostalgia rushes through him. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to be that young and naive again. 

Clearing his throat, he pulls his hand back and shakes the thoughts away. He’s older now. Wiser. It’s foolish to even think he can go back to those days. 

He gives the door a sharp knock. Waits. It’s another minute before the door opens and he’s greeted by Maratelle’s bright, smiling face. 

“Armitage!” she exclaims, merrily. She lifts her arms up and pulls him into a hug. “I’m so glad you decided to come. We’ve missed you. How have you been?” 

He forces the biggest smile he can muster as he hugs her back. “I’ve been good,” he tells her, which isn’t that much of a lie. Things could be better; he could not be here. “How are you?” 

“We’re doing good,” she says as she pulls away. "The chemo has been taking a toll on your father, but he's doing all right. Never was a quitter, that man." 

"But what about you, Maratelle?" He could care less about how his father was doing. When the cancer diagnosis came last year, Armitage had hoped for the best. Unfortunately, it was not his time and he survived. Six month later, they found another tumor along his spinal cord. Armitage can't say his feelings have changed. 

With a small shrug and a sad smile, she responds, "I'm doing okay. It's been rough these last couple of years, but I’m pulling through, you know. It’s all I can do.” 

Guilt strikes through him. He should have been around for her more. Should have cared more than to call her once every few years. Should have visited her for Christmas. He could have been a better son for her, but— he couldn’t. He had to get away. Had to go find himself before he got lost in the dark hole. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t come sooner,” he apologizes like he means it. And he does. Almost. “I wanted to visit you, but I had just gotten a promotion. I was barely able to get the time for this.” 

Maratelle smiles, understanding. That is what he has always liked about her: she never judged him harshly. No matter how many drunken fits his father would throw, no matter how many accusations or punishments he underwent, Maratelle was the light at the end of it. She gave him the hope he needed. Provided him with the ability to keep pushing forward and accomplish his dreams. 

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” 

He smiles. Takes a breath. Tries not to think of the memories as he steps into his childhood home. Things are different now, he reminds himself, tries to reassure himself. Those years away hadn't made this feel any different. He still felt young, foolish, worthless. 

Maratelle takes his jacket and tells him to have a seat. The news plays on the television in the living room. The fresh pine scent from the Christmas tree fills his room. Just like he remembers from his childhood. From the fond memories he lets himself remembers, at least. 

The only thing missing is Brendol Hux sitting in his chair; the creme one by the fireplace that Armitage is sure has an indentation molded into the cushions. 

Maybe things will be better this time around. It's been over a decade. Things happen. People change. _He_ has changed. 

He could, perhaps, be a little optimistic. 

⁂

Dinner went remarkably well, considering. Armitage supposes most of that is thanks to the painkillers running through Brendol’s system. Which is fine by him. He’s not eager to hear the complaints of how useless he has become over the years. (He has not called him in the last decade. He doesn’t help out, never has. He is working for some con man who has no idea what he is going. Yeah, Armitage can live without hearing that for a while.) The rare civility gave Maratelle a large smile as she sat there delighted that her family has finally come together. 

Armitage made sure to get out of there before the medicine wore off, promising Maratelle that he will come for lunch tomorrow. After all, it wasn’t like he had much else to do in Arkanis. He is here for her, to help her celebrate Brendol’s last Christmas with her. 

As he walks down the streets of Arkanis, he remembers why he left. There was nothing here for him. Too small and close minded. Armitage had bigger dreams that led him away from here. He is glad he followed those dreams. There were bumps, plenty of them, along the way, but he had triumphed. 

He is better now. Better than any of these fools that are still stuck here. 

He holds his jacket closer to him as he makes his way to a familiar coffeeshop: _Leeya’s_. He spent most of his summers here after Brendol lost his job at the Academy — somehow, he managed to make it Armitage’s fault, not his own, like his own crude temper and alcoholism didn’t affect anything. But this small coffee shop tucked away along Empire’s Grove was safe; a second home of sorts for him to escape to when even Maratelle couldn’t have saved him. 

Warmth and the scent of fresh coffee hits him as soon as he enters. Comfort floods through him. Soft music plays in the background. 

Everything is just the way he remembers it. He smiles. 

Making his way up to the counter, he unbuttons his jacket and loosens his scarf. 

“Armitage!” A delighted comes from behind the counter; a familiar face. His smile widens as he recognizes Rae. “Is that really you?” 

“In the flesh,” he responds. “I can’t believe you’re still here.” 

Rae shrugs. “It pays the bills,” she says, then, softer, “and it’s not like I would ever leave Leeya.” 

“How is she doing?” 

“She’s good. Her family’s up here visiting. Do you still drink tarine?” 

Armitage nods. “Yes. Thank you.” 

Rae goes about starting the drink. “Are you visiting the family?” 

“Yes. I’m sure you’ve heard about Brendol.” 

“I have.” Rae glances over at him. “I’m sure you won’t be upset when I say it’s about time.” 

“Unfortunately,” he agrees as he takes the cup. “If it weren’t for Maratelle, you know I wouldn’t be here.” 

“I know. It _is_ nice to see that you’re still alive.” 

And maybe Armitage feels a little bad. Rae had been a huge part of his teen years — had helped him defend himself, taught him to care for himself, showed him more important life lessons than the Academy ever did. Armitage doesn’t think he could have survived without her; he owes her a lot. 

“Hold your apologies,” she says when he goes to speak. “If you wanted to call you would have. You don’t have to lie to me, Armitage, but now that you’re here: tell me, how’s the big city treating you? Everything you ever thought it would be?” 

“Fine,” he says simply. “I got a promotion recently; I’m the Chief Technological Officer at First Order now.” 

“That’s great. Congratulations!” She smiles. “Any romances?” 

“Oh,” he frowns into his drink. He had been able to avoid this question at dinner, thankfully, by some delusional tangent from Brendol. But, now, he was stuck. Rae wouldn’t let him change the subject “No,” he admits, after a moment, ignoring the pain that wants to erupt through him. He forces a smile. “I’m as single as ever.” 

Rae studies him for a second before she presses on, “But, there was someone.” 

Armitage hesitates. It’s been so long, back in college. He thought he found love in a pair of doe eyes and rough hands. For two years, he lived in bliss. He opened himself up, let someone in. He gave himself away to all the right words from a pretty mouth. 

Never again. 

“Yes,” he admits, finally. “There was, and now, there’s no one.” 

He feels Rae’s eyes on him, watching him, expectant, but finally, give way when he doesn’t offer any other information. 

“It’s his loss,” Rae says. “I’m sure you could find someone if you wanted.” 

If he wanted was the kicker. As lonely and desperate as Armitage found himself, he wasn’t sure he wanted anyone. Love was a fickle thing; something that nearly destroyed him. He didn’t dare himself expose himself to that pain again. Instead, he focused purely on his work. 

“How long are you staying for?” she asks, changing the subject. 

“Only a few days. I’ll probably leave right after Christmas.” 

“That’s a shame. I was hoping we could have dinner. Leeya would love to see you.” 

“Ah, I would love to see her, but, alas, I barely this time off.” 

“Maybe next time.” 

“Yes, next time.” 

They both know that it won’t happen. Armitage has no plans of returning to Arkanis until his father’s funeral. And they’re okay with that. Rae understands; she always has. That’s what he’s always liked about her. 

They part and say their goodbyes when a new customer appears at the counter. For old time’s sake, Armitage finds his old spot at a table in the corner. He slides into the chair. The snow is still falling when he looks out the window, and he remembers. He remembers sitting here, staring out the windows as he tried to focus on his summer assignments or new ideas or trying that journalling his therapist had suggested he start. Most of the time, he spent the time staring out the window, dreaming of a life away from Arkanis. 

It was the one dream he had succeeded in doing. 

He takes a sip of his tea as he watches the snow fall. He knows that he should head back to his hotel before it gets too bad — the weather never stopped, always raining or snowing. He hates it. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. The door opens and closes several times, bringing a cold breeze with it. He feels no rush, no urgency to leave. This is the one little slice of Arkanis that is safe, comforting, familiar. It settles his thoughts. Makes him relax. He feels calm for the first time in a very long while. 

Armitage cradles the cup in his hands and relishes in the moment. 

⁂

The following morning, he returns to Leeya’s. He’s almost disappointed that Rae isn’t working, but he wasn’t expecting her to be here. Instead, there’s some peppy blonde behind the counter that takes his order and money. She doesn’t force any conversation with him, which leads him to leaving her a bigger tip. 

Armitage finds his spot open and takes a seat. He still has a few hours before he needs to go to the house. (The last thing he wants to do is see Brendol again — who knows what type of mood he’ll be in today.) This is, after all, a part of his vacation. He might as well as treat parts of it as such, right? 

(Though, he would still have preferred to go to Chandrilla or Alderaan or Naboo.) 

He relaxes against the chair. It’s late enough that many people have already gotten their coffee and pastries to go on their way to work. The shop is quiet, pleasant. He closes his eyes and enjoys the soft music — something acoustic today, he notices — playing in the background. This is really is the one thing he missed in this whole damned city If he could take this coffee shop and place it in his new home, he would in a heartbeat. Nothing could compare to it, whether it is any superior quality or just nostalgia, he’s unsure. 

“Armie?” 

He freezes. Eyes still closed, the voice triggers an unwanted memory. The voice — deep, velvet — makes his heart skip a beat. He swallows. It couldn’t be — not here— but… there’s only one person who’s ever called him that. 

Slowly, he opens his eyes, and, there, before him, is his worst nightmare. 

Kylo Ren stands there in front of him. Those big brown eyes staring at him like he’s seen a ghost. (Like he isn’t the one that left. Like he hadn’t disappeared.) Armitage blinks, refusing to believe his eyes. He hates what he sees. Hates that Kylo still look the same with his long hair — shaggier now — and broad muscles filling out his jacket. With his puppy dog eyes and enticing lips.The only difference Armitage can see is the start of wrinkles around his eyes, which Armitage supposes would be natural. 

(What he hates the most though, is how his heart still races at the sight of him, like there’s been no time separating them.) 

“Kylo,” he says, almost breathless. “What… what are you doing here?” 

“Work,” he answers like it’s obvious. “And you? You’re the last person I expected to see here.” 

Armitage wants to laugh. Of course, Kylo wouldn’t remember that he’s from here. That they talked about it several times. That Kylo even made him promise that he would bring him here someday despite Armitage’s protests. 

“I’m visiting family,” he says simply, lifting his cup and taking a sip of the bitter tea to distract himself. 

“Oh yeah. Forgot you said you’re form here.” He chuckles like it’s the most amusing thing in the world. “What are the odds?” 

Yeah. What were the odds? They obviously weren’t in Armitage’s favor. 

And just like everything is normal, Kylo pulls out the chair across from Armitage and takes a seat. Armitage stares. What does this buffoon thing he’s doing? He should tell Kylo to leave him alone, or get up and leave himself. Leaving is a good option. Doesn’t require him to say anything and there’s no way Kylo would actually follow him. (He hadn’t before.) He’s supposed to be relaxing right now. With Kylo here, there’s no way he can accomplish that. 

Then, like Kylo even cares, he asks, “How you’ve been?” 

This time, Armitage can’t hold back the short bark of a laugh. “Absolutely dandy,” he responds, “Thank you for asking.” 

Kylo looks taken aback. Brown eyes stare at him, and Armitage can’t bring himself to care. Doesn’t want to care. He wants the man that broke his heart as far from him as possible. Not at this table, within touching distance, with his eyes pleading at him and those lips looking so soft. No. He won’t give into it. He’s moved on. Kylo is just a ghost from the past. 

“Armie, I,” he pauses like the words stick to his tongue. What could he say? That he’s sorry? How thoughtful. “I really thought I would never see you again.” 

“Yeah. I can say the same.” 

Kylo sighs. Runs a hand through his hair. “I— I can understand if you don’t believe me, but I do want to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you.” 

Armitage blinks. Shrugs. “It’s in the past,” he says, simply, because he can’t keep thinking about this. Kylo Ren had left him, all those years ago; if he wanted him back, he should have come back sooner. Should have tried a little harder. Not disappear off the face of the Earth after breaking up with him. 

(He’s sure the sutures over his wounds have healed by now. That they won’t crumble apart at the slightest bit of attention.) 

“Armie—” 

He shakes his head to stop whatever other words the man has to say. He doesn’t care. (Can’t care.) But, before he could tell Kylo to go, the bell at the door chimes and there’s someone else calling for him. 

“Armitage! There you are.” 

Maratelle. Great. 

“I was hoping you would be here. You weren’t at the hotel; I thought we could go shopping and spend some time — oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.” She looks between the two of them, a glint sparkling in her eyes. “I’m Maratelle, Armitage’s step-mom. He didn’t tell me he was bringing anyone along. Are you his boyfriend?” 

Before Armitage even has the opportunity to say anything, Kylo chimes in with, “Yes.” The smile on his face is too big, too wide, too convincing. “He didn’t know I was coming. I just surprised him. I’m Kylo.” 

Armitage stares, mouth gaped, dumbfounded. _What_? He’s too stunned to even say anything as the two shake hands. His heart pounds again, anxious. No. Kylo didn’t just… but he did. Kylo Ren had fucked off out of his life for ten years just to come crashing in and tell people they were dating? What fucking nerve did he have? He composes himself. Tries to say something, but Kylo’s hand falls on top his arm. The warmth sends a shock through his system. 

(He hates to admit it, but Kylo had been the last one to touch him with any sort of affection. The simple touch is enough to disarm him.) 

“It was nice to meet you, Kylo,” he hears Maratelle say before she turns to him. “I hope I didn’t interfere, I didn’t know, but I’ll see you for lunch, right?” 

Armitage nods because, at this point, what else could he do? He hears Kylo agree that he’ll be there as well. And, _what_? What sick, twisted dream is he having right now? Maybe if he pinches himself, he’ll wake up. (He tries; he doesn’t wake up. Kylo is still there.) 

When Maratelle if far enough away, he kicks Kylo’s shin with as much force as he can muster. 

“What the _fuck_?” he asks, venom tainting his voice. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“I didn’t see you protesting,” Kylo counters through his wince. “That really hurt. _Fuck_.” 

“ _Good_. Have you lost your mind? You think you can disappear for ten years, and you can just show up and pretend to be my boyfriend?” 

“I,” Kylo starts, but stops himself short. “Okay, yes. It was stupid. I’m sorry. I just — I’m sorry.” He looks at Armitage like he means it. Like he is truly sorry for every single thing that he’s put him through. (He should be. Armitage had never asked for any of it. All Armitage is guilty of is foolishly falling in love with a man who didn’t care about him.) “I was just hoping that, maybe, you could give me a chance.” 

“A chance for what?” 

“Redemption?” 

Armitage scoffs. “You have got to be kidding me.” 

“What? I was stupid and an asshole.” 

“You think?” 

Kylo sighs. “Look, it’s been ten years. That’s a whole _decade_. I doubt you’re the same person you were in college.” 

Fair enough. Armitage raises an eyebrow. And he should know better. Nothing Kylo could say would make any difference, but here he is, still listening. 

“I’m sorry, really. I know I fucked up, but, please, know that I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” He bites at his lip. “I shouldn’t have done that with Maratelle. I know, okay. Just— let me come to lunch — Maratelle seemed excited by it — and then you can break up with me and you’ll never see me again, okay?” 

It’s a stupid idea. Idiotic. He’d be an absolute fool to even think he should go along with this. Despite all that, though, he agrees. “Fine. You can come to lunch.” 

Kylo beams, and Armitage already knows he’s made a mistake. 

⁂

Kylo tries to hold his hand as they walk into the house, but he’s quick to pull his hand away. Maratelle may be okay with his sexuality, but Brendol had never approved. He already knows he’s not going to hear the end of it by just _bringing_ a boyfriend to lunch. (How dare he shame the good Hux name, as if he hasn’t done that himself.) It’s bad enough this boyfriend has to be Kylo. 

(Kylo fucking Ren who still has that stupid cocky grin. Who still drives way too fast. Who still smells like firewood and cinnamon. Who’s presence still called him in. 

Armitage still hates him.) 

Maratelle is pleased when they show up. She pulls Kylo in for a hug, catching him off guard, as she tells him how glad she is that he’s here. 

Armitage could be sick. He just wants this to be over. He wants nothing more than to kick Kylo out and head back to his apartment and spend the rest of his holiday curled up in his bed with a bottle of wine. That sounds far more enjoyable that whatever the hell he’s living in now. 

And lunch takes far too long. Maratelle insists on asking Kylo questions. When and where did they meet? How long have they been dating? Is he treating Armitage right? Kylo’s responses are confident; most of them going back to their college days. He tries his best to not laugh at his “Yes, I’m taking the best care of him, ma’am” response. Maratelle would have killed him if she knew what he had done. 

Armitage just wants to go lay in bed, ignore the world, and get this holiday over with. He doesn’t want to be here with Kylo. He doesn’t want Kylo sweet-talking Maratelle and acting like they are together. Armitage doesn’t want _this_. 

(Or does he? The warmth of the hand on his knee is nice, gentle, calming. Kylo’s smiles and laughs are contagious. And all those memories of dates and rainy days. All those times that Armitage had actually felt _happy_.) 

He wants this whole ridiculous facade to end; he’s already planning out the story he’s going to tell Maratelle tomorrow. Something about their differences and how they’ll never be able to work through them. About how this trip, this surprise visit reminded him of how unhappy he is. (Which, in reality, wasn’t all that much of a lie.) Maratelle will be disappointed, saddened, but still understand. She’ll tell him that he’ll meet the right person someday and he will resist the urge to ask her if she had found the right one. 

Everything would go back to normal. 

He listens as Kylo reminisce on their first date; Kylo thought he needed to impress Armitage with a grand display. Unknown to Armitage, Kylo had family connections all over the city. He had a top restaurant reserved for just the two of them. Candles were lit. Soft piano was playing. Armitage had laughed at it all. It had been so perfect and cliched that he didn’t think it could have possibly been real. (And, maybe, he had already been smitten enough that Kylo could have brought him to a junkyard and it would have been perfect.) But all of that had been before. Now that he was wiser, he should have picked up on all those signs that Kylo didn’t care. How he hadn’t paid attention to a single word he said and how Kylo focused on everything else until he had gotten him to his bedroom. 

He should have known better. 

But he lets Kylo tell it, uninterrupted, as Maratelle smiles on. He ignores the gentle squeeze of Kylo’s hand on his thigh and continues to pick at the salad in front of him. Reminds himself that Kylo Ren has always been and always will be a liar. 

Brendol grumbles something at some point, but Armitage doesn’t pay attention. What does it matter? This whole trip is a fiasco. 

Finally, the lunch ends. He’s able to be free and away from every person here. He can seclude himself in his hotel room — after a quick trip to the liquor store — and drink his whole damn day away. 

Brendol barely mumbles out a goodbye before he slowly disappears out of the room. Maratelle apologizes for him, for whatever reason that Armitage will never know, before giving them both a hug. 

“It was so nice to meet you, Kylo,” she says as she pulls away. 

“The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Hux. I’ve been trying to meet you for a very long time.” 

“Please, just call me Maratelle.” She smiles. “But we really should work together to get him home more often." 

“I can try my best. He really is rather stubborn, isn’t he?” 

They part with a laugh, a promise from Kylo that yes, he will be there for Christmas Eve dinner, and an eye roll from Armitage. 

“That went well,” Kylo says as they get into the car. 

“I really hope you don’t expect to come tomorrow,” is Armitage’s only response. 

“No,” Kylo sighs, “but what did you expect me to say to her? ‘Your son is going to break up with me as soon as we leave, so I’m sorry. I won’t be attending.’?” 

Armitage shrugs. “It would have been the truth.” 

“You really haven’t forgiven me, have you?” 

“You broke up with me and disappeared for _ten years_.” He scoffs. “You really expect to just waltz back into my life again and for all to be forgiven?” 

“I—” Apparently the words fail Kylo. That should be expected. Nothing he can say would make any of this better. He really is better off just staying quiet for the rest of the ride. 

When they pull up to the hotel, Armitage is more than relieved. He can’t wait to be free from all of this. 

“Thank you,” he says as he opens the door (and resists the urge to lean over and give Kylo a parting kiss). 

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” 

Kylo doesn’t look at him, and Armitage closes the door behind him without another word. Closes off Kylo from whatever he was going to say. Closes off whatever could have came from this. 

He has grown, he reminds himself. Stronger. Wiser. And he knows he won’t fall down that path again. 

⁂

If he has to be honest, Armitage has never truly been a fan of Christmas. Too much fuss and chaos for his liking, and far too many people trying to pry into his life with their questions of unnecessary curiosity. These people often didn’t care about him — usually just Brendol and Maratelle. At least they didn’t care until they found him in the spare room with their son one year. (Where Armitage had also gotten scolded for embarrassing the Hux name with his indecency.) When he had moved away, he had spent the holidays alone with a bottle of wine or gin. Once he had gone to a party and fell in love, and look where that got him. 

Armitage doesn’t know what this year will bring. If Maratelle will pull out all the stops like she has in years past or if it’ll just be a quiet family affair. The uncertainty doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. Honestly, he feels relieved to have some distraction either way. 

After the day with Kylo yesterday, sleep failed to come. He tossed and turned, unable to settle down. Out of all the people in his life to run into, why did it have to be Kylo Ren? It was like the world wanted to see him crash and burn. Life has been good: he got a promotion at a job he liked and was passionate about, he made enough to live on his own without the help of roommates, and the best part? He had finally gotten over Kylo. He had been going on dates on the rare occasion and wasn’t reminded of his former lover. It was nice. 

But now, he’s been slapped in the face by every memory and feeling he ever had, by the ghost of Kylo’s hand on him, gentle and secure, making him feel safe, loved. And Maratelle and Brendol thought they were dating, which might have been the worst of it all. 

(He wants it. He wants to go back to the days where he fell asleep in Kylo’s arms and wake up to the warmth suffocating him. Wants to feel those lips against his and those hands caressing every inch of him. It’s desperation, he knows. Desperation and loneliness and the ghost of a thousand memories that are haunting him.) 

Maratelle is doing some last minute decorating by the time he arrives back at the house. Gray strands of hair stick out in every direction. Armitage can’t remember the last time he had seen her like this. 

“Is everything okay?” he asks as he reaches up to help her place the garland along the doorway. 

“Oh, yes, fine,” she says, frazzled. “This whole thing is a bit last minute, to be honest.” 

Armitage raises an eyebrow. “Last minute?’ 

“Yes. Well. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were actually going to come home, and Brendol didn’t want to fuss over all of it, so…” 

“You didn’t have to plan a whole party around me.” 

“I know. I wasn’t — it’s not just about you. I know that you hate these, but I just wanted one last hurrah, I guess.” She sighs. “Things really haven’t been the same since you left, and I miss those days. At the risk of sounding selfish, I want things to be back to the way they were. It was easier when I could distract myself.” 

Armitage places a gentle hand on her shoulder. Offers a caring smile. “It doesn’t sound selfish at all,” he reassures her, understanding. “Do you need any help?” 

Maratelle smiles. “You do have a lot of your mother in you, even if you do try to hide it.” 

“You knew my mother?’ 

“Yes. Very well in fact.” Fondly, she looks at him. “She would have been very proud of you, you now. You have come so far and you’ve found this happy, loving relationship.” 

He swallows, casting his gaze away from her. The words are there, right at the tip of his tongue. He needs to tell her that he’s not in a relationship. That she had caught them at a very unopport time. That Kylo would not be coming tonight or ever again. 

“Maratelle, I,” he starts just as the doorbell rings. 

“Hold that thought,” she tells him as she goes to answer the door. Great. He holds the words, ready to get them out as soon as she comes back, and then they would get through the disappointment of his lack of a loving relationship and he’ll tell her the truth of everything and they would move on. And, then, that would be that. 

But, instead of her happily greeting her friend or a caterer or whoever else she has coming, he hears her say, “Kylo!” 

Armitage frowns. Anger bubbles up inside of him. He should have known. Should have fucking _known_ that Kylo Ren has lied once more. What a surprise. He groans as he turns the corner, and sure enough, hugging Maratelle, is Kylo-fucking-Ren. At least he’s dressed a little nicer today, Armitage supposes, in a dress shirt (that clings to his muscles) and half his hair tied up in a ridiculous bun. 

The grin that he flashes Armitage should have upset him, but he can’t be bothered. His head is already pounding from annoyance. 

“Armie,” he greets him, and Armitage can tell by his voice that he _knows_. He knows that he is in the wrong, that he is pushing his luck, that he is _not_ supposed to be here. 

“Kylo.” 

“I know we agreed to have you pick me up later, but, well, I got bored and I figured I could be of some help or something?” 

“Oh, yes,” interjects Maratelle before Armitage can even open his mouth. “That would be great, actually. I have some heavy boxes in the basement that Armitage is, no offense, no shape to get.” 

Kylo beams. “That’ll be no problem at all.” 

⁂

Armitage is thankful that he doesn’t see much of Kylo in the hours leading up to the party. It gives him the time to think of all the ways he can yell at Kylo when they’re alone. For him to even have the audacity to even think that he can just show up here when he knows that Armitage doesn’t want him here. Armitage should just kick him out. 

But Maratelle seems pleased to have a helper that’s more physically handy than he is. (And, she was right. There was no way that Armitage was going to be getting those boxes out of the basement.) And, well, if Maratelle is happy, then he could temporarily forget his annoyances for her. 

And then there was the anxiety that threatened to cause havoc over his system with each passing second, even with the distraction of Kylo. He wasn’t sure who Maratelle had invited, but he hasn’t seen anyone here in over ten years, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for their onslaught of questions that would try to pry into his life. 

His fingers tap against his thigh as he nurses a glass of spiked eggnog. Only a few hours, he reminds himself. He can just pretend that he’s doing a presentation for work. Just another day on the clock where he has to present himself as a successful as he liked to think he was, that he was living a happy life. 

A hand at the small of his back causes him to jump, almost spilling the drink out of his hand; another hand helps him catch it. 

Kylo. He knows it is even before he looks. His hand is as warm has it always been. Quickly, he pulls away from him. 

“What are you doing?” he demands with venom in his voice because he can’t keep doing this. He can’t. Can’t, can’t, can’t. Armitage needs to hate him. Needs to not fall into Kylo’s tricks again because he _is_ stronger than this. 

But Kylo has always known exactly what to say and what to do, like he could read into his mind. 

He hates him. 

“What?” Kylo asks, stupidly. 

“This. Here. You ending up in Arkanis when I haven’t been here in years. I don’t want to hear that you didn’t know. You _did_!” 

Dumbfounded, Kylo stares at him before, finally, “I didn’t. I mean, yeah, I vaguely remember you saying you were from here, but I never — really, I didn’t — I never thought you would show up back here.” He bites down on his lip. “I saw you at Leeya’s and I — I’ve missed you. I know you won’t believe me. That’s okay. I get it, and I know that we agreed to _not_ do this. I don’t want to lose you again, Armitage.” 

He scoffs. “You’ve had years, Kylo. Actual _years._ What did you do with that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” 

“I know, okay, I fucking know!” His voice raises and his hands clench at his side. He pauses for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. “I know,” he says, calmer this time. “I fucked up, okay? I royally fucked up. Just give me one more chance. Let me prove I’m better now.” 

Armitage stares at him. There’s a part of him that wants to believe him. What he wouldn’t give for Kylo to be in his life again. How he wants to be with him still, after all these years. 

He won't. He can't. 

He would be a damned idiot if he agreed to any of this. If he allowed to have his heart played with again. 

(Or will he?) 

"I'm not the same person I was," he tries. 

Kylo counters, "Neither am I." 

"There's no guarantee it would work." 

"I don't care," he barks. There's an intensity in his face. Armitage remembers it. Had been familiar with it long ago. The intense rage of a selfish brat not getting his way. Kylo has not changed at all. "I want you. I've wanted you since I first ever saw you." 

"Then why did you leave?" 

A pause. Something unfamiliar flashes in Kylo's eyes. Probably realizes that his bluff has been called. 

"I was scared." His voice is quiet like he's been defeated. 

"Scared?" He snorts. "Of what?" 

Before Kylo could answer, Brendol enters the room. It’s not until then that Armitage realizes how close Kylo is: their noses inches apart, bodies close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off of Kylo. He jumps back at the sound of Brendol's disapproving grunt. 

He looks over at him now, and… Brendol doesn't look like the man he grew up fearing. He's thinner, cheeks hollowed out and clothes dangling off of his body. Dark bags circle his eyes. What's left of his hair has greyed and thinned, leaving only a transparent layer over his head. 

Weak; Brendol Hux looks weak. The realization should ignite something in him. Should excite him. Should make him feel something. He has waited years to see the tides turn, but he all he can feel is… sadness. Sad that Brendol's life is still at the hands of nature, that he's not the cause of his own death. 

"Armitage," he says as unenthusiastic as ever. Well, some things haven't changed. 

"Father," he greets him, taking a step further away from Kylo. "How are you feeling?" 

"Fine." He pours himself a cup of coffee. "I'd be better if Maratelle would stop fussing. Damn woman thinks she can cure me by keeping me in bed. Now, she thinks socializing will be good for me." 

"She just worries about you," offers Armitage. 

Brendol grumbles. "She's wasting her energy." 

"She could be right, though," Kylo interjects. "My mom died a few years ago. Cancer, too. She was stubborn in the end, but we found out too late. But, everyone tried to pitch in and help her at the end. Something about improving the quality of her life, and I think in the end, she was grateful for it." 

Without saying a word, Brendol gives him a long look. Those blue eyes stare at him, examining him, interrogating him. "So, you're Kylo?" 

"Yes, sir." 

Kylo doesn't flinch under the scrutiny. Though, Armitage isn't surprised given his childhood growing up with a military family. Kylo continues to stand tall, keeping the eye contact. 

Whenever Brendol settles on whatever decision he was looking for, he lets off a huff and turns his attention back to Armitage. 

"I do hope that you will behave yourself this year," Brendol comments, "I don't want another incident like last time." 

Armitage swallows. "Yes, Father." 

He leaves without another word. Armitage can feel Kylo’s eyes on him but he ignores him. Yes, he was right. He shouldn’t have come here at all. Things don’t change. Brendol Hux would never change. Why would he have ever considered that as a possibility? 

“Armie?” 

He shakes his head. Kylo wasn't supposed to be here; he was never supposed to meet his family or see where he grew up. 

But, he supposes, Kylo has always been good at that. Digging into his life. Invading his space. Breaking him in until he finally got under his skin. 

“I have to go,” he says as he rushes out of the room. 

⁂

The patio is quiet; everyone is still inside, enjoying the holiday party. Armitage just wants to go home. He’s tired, exhausted. Every little thing reminds him of why he has stayed away for so long. Armitage has nothing here. He’s alone. Sure, there’s Maratelle, but she can only do so much. (As much as she’s always tried to protect him, she could only hold Brendol back so much. He still has the scars to prove it.) 

He takes a deep breath. The December chill goes through him, but he couldn’t have bothered to grab his coat. He just needed to get away; just him the cold and him and a bottle of wine. Just the way he likes it. 

Snow continues to fall, covering the ground around him in a white blanket. His fingers are cold and he can’t feel the tip of his nose. He knows he should go in, but what more damage could a bit of hypothermia really do? His life is already miserable, he has very little to look forward in the scheme of things, and he has nothing waiting for him. 

(He almost feel nostalgic for his college days. Things almost seemed easier.) 

He shivers as a breeze goes by. Contemplates for a second on going back inside. Maratelle would be looking for him. Half the neighborhood too, so they can hound him on where he’s been, what he’s doing, judge him on his relationship with Kylo-fucking-Ren. 

It’s not that long of a walk back to his hotel room. He could easily just go there, pick up another bottle of wine, and drink the rest of his night away. 

Unfortunately, his plans appear to be disrupted when he hears footsteps behind him. He sighs. 

“Aren’t you cold?” a voice asks, and Armitage wishes he found a better hiding spot. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re shivering,” Kylo insists. 

“I’m _fine_.” 

“You’re still stubborn, I see.” 

“And you’re still infuriating.” 

“I remember you liking that about me.” Armitage can hear the smirk in his voice; that confident, easy smile that he knows will be there if he turns to look at Kylo. “You said it was one of my better qualities.” 

“I don’t remember meaning it as a good thing.” 

There’s a brief silence. Armitage tries to ignore the Kylo’s heavy presence behind him. Ignores the urge to lean back in his broad chest and huddle into the warmth. 

“Here,” Kylo says and Armitage feels a weight across his shoulders. Warmth covers him. “Take this at least.” 

The warmth is a relief. He won’t admit to it. His free hand tightens the jacket around him. 

“Come back inside.” Kylo’s voice is gentle, closer than he expects. When Armitage turns his head, he’s right there. Just inches away. “It would be a lot more fun with you in there.” 

Armitage holds back a laugh. “No it wouldn’t.” 

“You’re right.” Kylo does laugh. “But, you are the only reason I’m here.” 

“I never asked you to come.” 

“I— true, you didn’t. I was hoping you would still want to see me.” 

“When did I ever say I wanted to see you in the first place?” 

“You didn’t.” Kylo then turns to look at Armitage directly. Those dark eyes searching into his. He’s quiet for a moment. A long and dreadful moment. “I hoped. When I saw you, there was something — a look in your eyes, maybe — but there was _something_ that told me you missed me. I could feel it.” Teeth bite down on his bottom lip. “I thought about you everyday. Breaking up with you was one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made.” 

Armitage doesn’t believe. Should not believe him. Kylo dumped him. Left him. Didn’t even give him a chance to figure out what was going wrong or what he did. Kylo just left. Betrayed him. He shouldn’t — but Kylo is standing right there. The moonlight reflects on his face, highlighting the sharp edges of his face, the curve of his lips. And Armitage — 

Armitage feels like there hasn’t been ten years between them. 

Feels like he could lean forward and everything would be mended. 

He wants to. He would give anything, but he knows better. Or, at least, he thinks he does. He won’t let him become victim of that pain again. Doesn’t think he would survive this time. His heart is already broken and fragile. Already turned hard and cold as ice. 

He closes his eyes. A hand falls on his cheek. The touch is gentle, just a ghost against his skin. Armitage freezes. His breathing halts. Kylo’s thumb runs along his cheek. “I understand,” he says, eventually, “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. You hate me. I fucked up. You have every right to hate me, but I.” He pauses and Armitage is afraid to open his eyes. Afraid of the pain he knows he might find. Afraid of falling into that spell again. “Come inside with me.” 

Foolishly, Armitage agrees. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Armitage has a few conversations, has some emotions, and falls victim to a ridiculous tradition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologizes for this taking a month rather than the few days I said. 
> 
> There has also been a few updates to the tags.

Much to his disapproval, things inside with Kylo _are_ better. Pretending to be dating is easier than it should be, but maybe, perhaps, it's just the wine talking. The two glasses he manages to get down before Kylo finds him have messes with his head enough to actually think that this could be a good idea. After his incident a few years ago, he swore that he wouldn’t drink again. Save for those few holidays where he sat alone in his apartment, curled up on the couch, with a bottle of wine, of course. That has always been his present for himself. He would cut himself off, though, no matter how tempting it was, because he was wiser now. Self-controlled. He knew better now.

(And he is cutting himself off now, despite the holiday. He should be proud of himself.) 

Kylo keeps a hand at the small of his back, protecting him, calming him. It's easy to fall back into old habits, to let himself rest against Kylo's side when they sit on the couch as they talk with Armitage's old friend Phasma, or to lace his fingers in Kylo's when they walk across the room, but he won’t let himself fall victim to it again. He won’t grow comfortable, familiar with this again. After tonight, none of this would matter. This is just another hiccup in his long road of recovery. 

Though, for a second, he still wonders if this is what it could have been like. If Kylo hadn’t broken up with him. If he had brought Kylo home to meet his family. Would they be like this now, sitting too close on the couch, hands laced, sipping on water and wine, listening to his father’s friends tell stories, while Brendol looked upon them with disapproving eyes? Or would they have avoided the whole thing and stayed in Alderaan in their shared apartment? 

He keeps having to remind himself that it’s not worth it to think about. Come morning, Kylo will be gone. He’ll be stuck alone as Maratelle hands him presents he doesn’t want or need and Brendol grumbles about how much money she has spent. Everything will go back to the way it was, back to before he left and found himself a brighter future. 

But it’s hard not to dwell on the memories that plague his mind — their first kiss had been to “All I Want For Christmas,” the song now playing in the other room. He should be focused on his family. That is why he came here. To celebrate Christmas one last time with his family and nothing else. 

Kylo Ren isn’t important; he never should have been. 

Kylo’s foot nudges his, grabbing his attention. The soft look in Kylo's eyes catches him off guard. He forces himself to look away. He's moved on. Grown. He's strong enough to resist. (At least, that has been what he's been telling himself despite how hard Kylo has been making it.) He will play his role for the night. He will go back to his hotel room at the end of the night and not think about Kylo Ren ever again. He will wake up in the morning and come back here to exchange presents and then leave Arkanis never to return again. 

He won’t give into the temptation. 

"I—I'm going to use the bathroom," he says as he gets up abruptly. 

He doesn't stay to see if Kylo acknowledges him. It doesn't matter. None of this matters, he realizes he shuts himself into an empty room. He is just fooling himself. There is still that small little naive part of him that he tries so hard to keep hidden that thought maybe, _maybe_ , there might be a chance of something rekindling. Armitage should know that things in his life don’t work that way. He is just the bastard, faggot son of Brendol Hux, decorated war veteran. That’s all he will ever amount to, and now… now Kylo is seeing that. Seeing that no one ever asks about just him, seeing that Brendol only carslee so much about his own son that he grew tires of conversation. 

(Maratelle has always been the only one to care about him. To help him after his mother’s death and take him in as her own. To sing him the same lullabies that his mother would when he couldn’t sleep. All this while Brendol couldn't care less about the only heir he will ever have.) 

Armitage slumps down in one of the chairs, running his hands over his face. How did he get dragged this far along into this? He should have told Maratelle right from the beginning. Then he wouldn’t have to go through this whole brutal charade. Being back home for the holiday is bad enough; he doesn’t need all of this on top of all that. Maratelle would have been disappointed, but it would have been the truth. Armitage is still the lonely boy he was when he left, just more bitter and cynical. 

He sighs. It is possible for him to sneak out now. No one will ever know he’s missing; no one cares that he’s here. It’s the same thing as every other holiday gathering he has been to in the last twenty five years – he’s just the boy for Brendol to show off under false achievements and for Maratelle to gush over like he is her own despite how he has never been more than a disappointment. 

He misses his mother. Though, he just barely remembers her. Just flashes of her red hair and her bright smile, the comfort of her hugs and her voice when she sang and laughed. Why did the same illness that is taking Brendol have to take her all those years ago? Life would have been easier, better, happier. 

But this is his life: miserable, pathetic, tragic. 

He’s just as useless as Brendol always said he was. 

A knock on the door startles him. Quickly, he wipes at the damp feeling at his eyes. Another gentle knock comes. 

“Come in,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. These feelings… they were a weakness and Armitage Hux would not be weak over some high and mighty politician’s dead-beat son. 

When the door opens, he expects to see Maratelle there. However, instead of the styled grey curls and warm face, he sees the long dark curls and sharp face of his old mentor. 

“Rae?” 

"Yes. Don't look so surprised." She smiles, just a twitch of her lips. "I was told you might be here." 

"I'm surprised to see you here at all." 

"Maratelle insisted I come. I told her that it wouldn't be a wise idea, but she's a persistent one." 

"I wasn't aware that you two were friendly with each other." Armitage raises an eyebrow. 

"Yes." There is a fondness in her voice that he isn’t used to, but Rae doesn't offer any other information. She has never been the type. "I heard you left in a rush." 

"I had to use the bathroom." When he sees Rae's quirked eyebrow, he sighs. "You know this isn't my favorite time of year." 

"Maratelle does appreciate you being here, you know. She wouldn't shut up about you last night." 

"She's the only reason I'm here." 

"And that guy? What was his name? Kylo? You didn't tell me about him." A pause as Rae studies him. 

"He is no one." 

"It doesn't sound that way. I was told you were dating." 

He slumps further in his seat and lets out another sigh. "Yesterday was the first time I had seen him in ten years. We dated for a bit back in college, but he dumped me and I never saw him again." His fingers fidget against the fabric of the chair. (Brendol would throw a fit if he saw him now. He was such a fucking _disappointment_.) "Maratelle caught us yesterday and I think she just got excited to see me talking with someone that she assumed we were dating. I was too stunned to correct her." He shakes his head while scratching at the back of his neck. "And now here I am, stuck in the last place I want to be, pretending to be someone's boyfriend while my father sends be death glares because I don't have the decency to be attracted to women." 

"Well," Rae says after a moment, "you still know how to get yourself into situations." 

"Rae," he groans. 

"I'm sorry. Why haven't you said anything?" 

"I don't know. Probably because I'm an idiot." 

She’s silent for a moment. Watching him, most likely. Armitage can’t bring himself to look at her. “He’s the one you lost, isn’t he?” When Armitage doesn’t say anything, she continues, “You still love him, don’t you?” This question at least gets her a quick look from Armitage. One that says far more than he would ever want to admit. “Have you told him?” 

Armitage shakes his head. 

"Why not?" 

"Because he dumped me?" 

"But he is okay with pretending to be your boyfriend now?" 

"I—" Armitage hasn't thought of it that way. Too wrapped up in his own self-pity. But – why would he? Kylo had made it clear all those years ago that he had only been good for one thing. Surely that would be the only reason that Kylo would have come back. He had seen him in the coffee shop and had seen an opportunity. "He's just bored." 

The look Rae gives him does not assure him of his beliefs, but what would she know? She didn't know Kylo. So what if Kylo said he has changed? He has come to understand that people don't change. Brendol hasn't. Maratelle hasn't. And the worst of all, he himself hasn't. He is still _weak_ and _pathetic_ and _useless_. This trip has reminded him of that. 

"What does it matter?" he asks. "I'm leaving tomorrow and we both know I'm not coming back until Brendol dies." 

"Doesn't mean you can't reacquaint with an old lover." 

"Rae. I appreciate it, but I really don't need a pep talk." 

"That's not what I'm here for." She stands back up. "I was just asked to come in here to make sure you're okay." 

"Well, I'm fine. You can tell Maratelle as such." 

"It wasn't Maratelle who sent me." 

Armitage blinks. If not Maratelle, then who? Brendol couldn't care less if he was here. Everyone else only cared about why he has been gone and they've all heard those stories. There is Kylo… but… Kylo wouldn't care. 

"It doesn't matter. Tell whoever I'm fine. Hell, tell them I ate something and got sick so I had to leave. I might as well just leave now, anyway." 

By now, he’s curled up in the chair, head resting between his knees. He feels small and insignificant. Something in this house has always had that ability. (Maybe it was Brendol’s presence or the ghosts of his life. Though, it could have also been the alcohol talking, tricking his mind into believing all his father’s criticisms, eagerly playing with those all too intrusive voices he had thought he banished.) Maybe he could get away with leaving town tonight. Maratelle would understand, he thinks. He hopes. 

"I'm going to send him in.” 

“What?” Armitage sits up straight. Who does she think she is? Armitage doesn’t want this. He just wants to be left _alone_. Doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his own foolish decisions (or indecisions). He will escape through the window if he has to. 

(He is being irrational; he knows this. He knows he has to face his ghosts, his demons. Knows that he will have to face Brendol and the scars he will tear open. Has to face the memories that he has pushed so back into his mind. He knows all of this, but he never expected to see Kylo. Never expected to have those freshly healed wounds ripped open. 

(He isn’t ready to be reminded just how weak he still is.) 

“Rae,” he pleads in one last attempt. 

She sighs. “Armitage, you should know that I, frankly, do not care. What I do care about is watching a grown man walk around looking like a lost puppy and hounding me about where you are.” 

Armitage supposes that he shouldn’t be surprised. What surprises him more is that Brendol hasn’t scared him off yet. He was sure that Brendol would have made some backwards comment about his sexuality that would have triggered Kylo into one of his rages. It was… impressive. The Kylo he knew in college wouldn’t have handled Brendol’s talk or glares. Kylo would have called him out on him… he would have been… protective. 

(Maybe some people do change.) 

He can feel Rae watching him. At least she is being considerate for the most part, or so he thinks, in giving him time before he has to face Kylo Ren again. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“I’ll find him myself.” 

⁂

He doesn’t. 

Instead, he finds himself in his father’s study, staring at his liquor cabinet with a thousand memories going through his mind. None of them are fond, or particularly worth the effort in remembering. It’s easier, he thinks, to do this than face his feelings. His therapist would be disappointed. All that so-called progress all gone to waste. (Not that it would matter to him, anyway. He already has his money for his weekly sessions.) But maybe it hasn’t been all for naught. Although he would love nothing more than to grab a bottle, but he can’t bring himself to open the cabinet. 

Perhaps all those thousands of dollars he’s wasted on his weekly appointments were paying off. He doesn’t feel the call, the pull, to open it. 

But, still, he misses the feeling of being shut off. Misses feigning emotions based off of social cues. He is good at that. Or, at least, he was. The alcohol helped. All those meetings he was going to were supposed to help him with these feelings. Supposed to help him from coping so he could resist the urge to grab a bottle. 

Armitage knows he’s already drunk more than he should have, though. And Kylo’s presence isn’t helping him any. If anything, he’s accelerating the chaotic cluster of emotion crashing through him. 

And he is still naïve enough to believe that Kylo could actually be sorry. 

How ridiculous could he be? 

Armitage Hux truly is a fool. 

When he turns, he finds that he isn’t surprised to see Brendol entering the room. If he’s honest, he’s surprised that he wasn’t in here sooner. 

“Figures you’d be in here,” Brendol says with his usual trace of contempt. “You always had a knack for going into places you shouldn’t.” 

Armitage blinks. All those nights he has snuck in here when he couldn’t bear the world anymore. Every time he thought he had one upped Brendol Hux. “You knew then?” 

“Of course I knew. I’m not a bloody idiot.” He struggles on his walk to the chair behind his desk. "Maratelle told me to be easy on you and claimed you were just stressed from school. A lot of good listening to her did." Brendol slides open a drawer and pulls out two glasses, setting them on the table before placing a bottle of brandy next to them. “What are you looking at boy? Have a seat.” 

On instinct, Armitage sits in the chair opposite his father. Watches as he pours three fingers of the liquor into one glass and then the other. Brendol pushes one glass toward Armitage with a simple command of “Drink.” 

“I shouldn’t. I—” 

“You’re not fooling anyone, Armitage. We all know those meetings are a crock of shit. You’re no better than anyone whether you have one drink or ten. Drink the damn brandy before I change my mind.” 

Armitage obliges. The liquor stings and burns unpleasantly all the way down, bringing back memories he has successfully banished from his mind. He clears his throat as he sets the glass down. 

“Shouldn’t you be out there with Maratelle?” 

“She knows I wouldn’t stick around. Never did like these damned things, but they make her happy." He sips his drink. “You do know she’s missed you, right?” 

“Yes, she told me.” Armitage holds back asking if Brendol missed him; he already knows the answer. Brendol has never wanted him in the first place. He was just another mistake in Brendol’s long and miserable life. Nothing would ever change that. 

They sit in an awkward silence. Armitage considers leaving as he takes another painful sip of brandy. Perhaps he can try talking; there is always that small sliver of a chance that Brendol could have changed. (There’s a ghost of a voice in the back of his head telling him that someone else could have changed, too.) But he knows better. This is the man who had pitted him against his childhood friend, Archex, and even Phasma. Armitage’s whole life has been some sad excuse to please a man who never wanted him. 

Some things, like that, never truly changed. 

“Maratelle wanted me to talk to you,” Brendol breaks the silence. "I suspect she thinks I will try to make amends. She thinks I might have some end of life guilt eating away at me, but she’s wrong. What is there to be guilty of?" He takes another sip of his drink; the glass hitting the desk hard, making Armitage flinch. “I was preparing you for the real world, and look at you. You’re still alive.” 

That might be the closest thing to a compliment that Armitage has ever gotten from his father, but is what he said true? Yes, Armitage is alive, but did Brendol have anything to do with it? All he remembers learning from Brendol is how to face disappointment; on how to put on the face he wanted to show the world. He learned to hide his feelings. Learned to tuck them away in a small box in his mind. Learned the be brave, be strong. Learned to not let anyone in. 

Or, at least, he thought he had. 

He finishes the rest of his drink in one swallow, now embracing the burn and feeling of something other than the dull pain in his chest. 

“I hope you understand that everything I have done has been to help you.” 

“Yes, sir, I do.” 

“I was hoping you’d be a bit wiser. Maybe a bit more capable, too. I guess it’s an improvement that you’re actually doing something with your life now. If you can call working under Snoke _something_.” 

Another silence falls between them as Brendol slowly finishes off his drink. Bonding time. Armitage tries hard not to fidget. Tries to keep his posture straight and his hands steady in his lap. 

The loud click of Brendol's glass hitting the desk is the only sound that breaks the silence before he says, "I had a chat with Kylo. He seems like a decent kid." 

"He is," Armitage lies, aware that the truth would only set off his father's temper. 

He makes an uncommitted noise as he examines his empty glass. "Are you happy?" 

Armitage blinks. "What?" 

"You heard me, boy." 

He swallows. Stares down at his hands. "I-I—" 

"What have I told you about stuttering?" 

"I'm sorry," he rushes out as disappointment holds him over. "Yes. I am." 

Brendol looks at him, but Armitage he can’t quite meet his eyes. Like he knows that his father can see through every single one of his lies, just like he always has after every night Armitage snuck back into the house, when he had stolen a few dollars from Maratelle’s purse, when he had gone through his rebellious streak and slept with every man that could help him on his way to college. Brendol always knew. 

“He seems decent,” Brendol comments, voice flat. “I don’t approve of him being Organa’s kid, but at least he has a better head on his shoulders. Lord knows that he’s leagues better than those other boys you used to bring home.” 

Armitage stares at his father. Did… did Brendol Hux approve of Kylo? That might be the biggest surprise out of them all. Kylo, with his piss poor attitude and his long greasy hair, has somehow pleased _Brendol Hux_. Armitage wants to laugh. Like the night couldn’t have gotten any worse. 

“Is this the part where you tell me not to fuck things up?” 

Brendol scoffs. “Heavens no. I couldn't care less what you do with your romantic entanglements.” 

Of course. “May I be excused?” 

Brendol gives him a long look before he waves him off with a, “Go.” 

Armitage can’t leave the room fast enough. He fumbles with the handle on his way out, cursing to himself before he rushes down the hall. This time, he does end up in the bathroom. His hands tremble as he grabs the sink. If he could erase the last twenty-four hours of his life, he would. He would have started it all over and avoided any interaction with Kylo Ren. Would have went right back to his hotel after dinner. Nothing is in his control right now and the feeling alone keeps him on edge. At least he understands his father and Maratelle. Kylo is just an extra variable that has no play here. 

He refuses to look in the mirror, knowing what he’ll find there: a sad pathetic excuse of a man who thinks he has it all figured out. He doesn’t need to see the dark bags under his eyes from his lack of sleep or the day’s old stubble along his jaw and cheeks. Brendol has always been right in being disappointed in him. Look at what a mess he is. 

Running the tap, he counts to five in his head. Wouldn’t his therapist be proud of him now? Getting the smallest bit of grip on himself when everything is about to fall apart. At least it's something. 

He splashes the coldest water he can get onto his face. He is being positively ridiculous. 

Fretting like his feelings for Kylo are still relevant. Like Kylo will still care or that anything will come from this. No, once the night is over, he will return back to his hotel room alone. He will fall asleep in the bed alone and wake up in the morning alone and return back to Castilon _alone_. 

All he has to do is put his face on again. Be strong, put some steel into his spine, and get through the rest of this horrid day. _For Maratelle,_ he tells himself. 

Armitage wipes his face with a hand towel, taking a deep breath. As he leaves the bathroom, he keeps himself standing tall and refuses to let his guard come down. 

⁂

“I’ve been looking for you.” 

Armitage isn’t surprised by the voice, or the statement, or the pair of hands on his waist. Kylo’s breath hits against his neck. Sends a shiver down his spine that he tries to ignore. He wants to push Kylo away. Wants to kick and scream because none of this is going how it’s supposed to be. But, he can’t. He bites his lip and plays his role while they’re surrounded by people and ignores the way Kylo’s lips brush against his skin. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Fine,” he says, “just been a long day.” 

Kylo’s fingers soothe Armitage’s sides as someone walks by them. Why did he agree to this? Why didn’t he fight more when Maratelle suggested it at the coffee shop? He _is stupid_ ; that is why. Brendol has always been right about him. 

(He wants to lean into the touch. Rest against Kylo's chest. Embrace the warmth and comfort and safety that Kylo has always provided. He misses it. Hates that he misses it.) 

“Anything I can do to help?” 

_Go away, leave me alone,_ he thinks but doesn’t say because he sees Maratelle there, across the room, smiling at them. 

He should have told her this morning. Should have confessed that they weren’t actually a thing. Though, there are a lot of things that Armitage should have done. 

But now he’s stuck. Trapped in his own makings and can’t get out. Drowning in his conflicting emotions. He needs to get a better grip on his feelings. Kylo Ren is _nothing_ , he reminds himself. 

Instead, he smiles softly and says, “No. I’ll be fine.” 

Kylo’s stare prickles the hairs on his neck, but he ignores it. This won’t affect him, or so he tells himself. 

“Can we take a walk?” 

_No_ is what he should say, but like the fool he is, he nods his head. 

Kylo grabs his hand and leads him through the room, taking time to grab their coats before heading out into the bitter cold. As soon as the door closes behind them, Armitage peels his hand away from Kylo’s. He doesn’t have to keep up the charade in private; that alone helps him keep that steel in his spine as they walk down the street and ignores the disappointed look he spots on Kylo’s face. 

“We didn’t finish our conversation,” he says as he shoves his hands into his pockets. 

Armitage shrugs. “What is there to say?” 

(He’s over it. He has nothing more he wants to tell Kylo. He doesn’t need this or him or the haunting memories of a thousand light years ago.) 

“I didn’t get a chance to explain.” 

“You don’t have to explain anything.” 

“But I do.” Kylo picks up his pace and stops in front of Armitage, forcing him to look at him. Tight lipped, Armitage dares to lock their eyes. "I never told you why I was scared." 

"It hardly matters at this point, Kylo." 

“It does, though!” Anger flashes in his face; nostrils flaring, jaw clenching, hand reaching out and grabbing his wrist. For a second, Armitage wonders if his grip will tighten. He’s seen this look a thousand times before. Knows from experience that it takes a certain kind of self control to contain. Part of him wants him to. Wants Kylo to keep squeezing until the joint in his wrist pops just so he can show his family the man Kylo really is. 

But before he even feels a pressure against his skin, Kylo’s hand is gone. A stunned expression lingers on his face. 

… Huh. That is nothing like the Kylo he remembers. 

“I’m sorry.” He takes a shaky breath. “I— look, I’m sorry. Can I just explain?” 

No. Armitage doesn’t want him to, but does he have any other choice? Those brown eyes are staring at him with that pathetic, desperate look in them. That same look he has always been so easy to give into. 

Armitage sighs. “Fine.” 

“I broke up with you because I was scared. You were — no one had gotten me like you did. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“Obviously.” 

Kylo’s glare only lasts a second before he continues, “Yes, I can admit that it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but I— I wanted to be better for you.” 

There was no way that Kylo is being serious, is he? Armitage crosses his arms over his chest and examines the man before him. Kylo Ren has always been many things, but considerate has never been one of them. But, maybe, that was what Armitage liked about him. He took what he wanted, when he wanted, with brute force that has always set Armitage on fire. 

(He would learn, years later, that no one else could quite match that. No one else has ever made him feel the things that Kylo made him feel. No one manhandled him the way that he found he liked. No one understood him like Kylo. 

(Tried as he might, he never found another.) 

“I never wanted you to be better,” Armitage states, finally looking away from Kylo. “I just wanted _you._ ” 

He can’t bring himself to look at Kylo. If he does, he will have to admit that Kylo is still all he wants. So, instead, he looks down the street. Looks at all the houses decorated with their lights and joyful characters like there is nothing wrong, like his heart isn’t on the verge of shattering all over again. 

“Armie…” Kylo’s voice is soft, as if he’s afraid to break the air. A hand reaches out. Stops just before reaching Armitage. Kylo balls his hand into a fist as he drops it to his side and lets out a breath. “I didn’t… I didn’t know.” 

“How would you?” He looks back at him. Pain radiated from his chest, aching like someone had reached in and held a tight grip on his heart. “You had always been too selfish.” 

Kylo fumbles over his words; opening and closing his mouth several times with nothing coming out. Why would Armitage be surprised? It was ludacris that he could have even believe that Kylo Ren had _changed_. He should have known better by now. Looking at him, Armitage didn’t know how he had been so naive to let Kylo in, how Kylo had weaseled his way into his life when he had no right to be. 

He supposes things had been different. Back then, there had been something addictive about Kylo Ren. An energy that Armitage couldn’t even begin to describe. It was easy; strangely comfortable. He didn’t have to think too hard on his words, didn’t have to worry about the pity he was so used to when he brought up his family. Somehow, Kylo had always understood. He never asked; never dared to. Didn’t want to break the magic of it all. 

He had been happy. _They_ had been happy, or so he thought. The relationship had never been conventional or typical. It didn’t matter. They got their fixes and it eventually grew into something more. Something that Armitage never realized how important it was until it was gone. 

“I’m sorry, Armie.” 

There’s a soft touch on his arm that Armitage shrugs away. “Why did you come tonight? We had an agreement.” 

Kylo swallows. Shifts a hand through his hair. Armitage knows that whatever comes out of his mouth is going to be some pitiful excuse. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he’s asked; he doesn’t care. (Shouldn’t care.) If Kylo wanted him back, he has all the time in the world. Did he really think that Armitage would just curl right back into his arms at the first sight of him? 

“I know,” Kylo sighs. “I needed — _wanted_ — to see you again. I wanted to try to make things right again.” 

“After ten years?” he scoffs. 

There is no reason for him to believe him. None at all. After everything, this could just be a carefully constructed ploy to sneak into his bed again and disappear in the morning. Although, Kylo has never been that smart. That calculated. he has always put his feelings before thought, lashing out when things didn’t go his way. Armitage can still remember the bruises on his hips and thighs from the hard press of his fingers while he fucked the aggravation out of his system. 

(He used to lay there on those lonely nights when Kylo was busy, pressing his fingers in them, mimicking the pain and rush as he desperately tried to reach a climax.) 

“I didn’t know…” 

“Know what? Where I was? How to get ahold of me? You have more than enough connections to try and find me.” 

Kylo shakes his head. Doesn’t even bother looking at him anymore. 

Armitage thought all of this would have been different. Thought that he could spend one last quiet Christmas with his family. No party, no complications. Even after he had seen Kylo Ren in the coffee shop, everything still could have been normal. 

He never expected this whirlwind of emotions, the steady rip of the stitches holding his heart together. Never expected his feelings for Kylo to still be so strong. He hasn’t thought about him in years. Had finally vanquished him out of his mind. And he was happy. Armitage _is_ happy. With his job, with his life, with his small handful of friends. He didn’t need love. Didn’t need Kylo here, trying to do whatever it is that he’s trying to do. 

He doesn’t know why he’s out here right now. Doesn’t know why he followed Kylo out here with no protest. 

(He does. He wants to hear every word he knows he won’t hear. Wants to think that they can pick up from where they left off. But, they’re older now. Matured, perhaps. Armitage isn’t the same naive boy he was when he was twenty-two and fell too hard, too quick, with a boy who only committed half way.) 

He doesn’t want to keep loving Kylo Ren despite the pull to reach out and settle in those strong arms. Armitage has missed Kylo more than he will ever dare admit. 

“I didn’t know what to say,” Kylo eventually says, “I didn’t think you would ever listen to me. Honestly, I still don’t think you will.” 

“I can’t disagree with you.” 

Then, Kylo looks at him again. Deep brown eyes searching into his. (Armitage resists every urge. Refuses to give into the magnetic pull trying to force them together.) Snow has started falling. White flakes cling to Kylo’s dark hair before melting into nothing. And there’s— there’s a sadness lingering in the other man’s eyes that Armitage never expected. 

“I know I’ve apologized, but I need you to know that I’ve meant every word that I’ve said tonight.” He swallows, hard, pulling his gaze away. “I really never meant to hurt you. That had never been my intention. Maybe I should have talked to you — No, I know I should have talked to you — but.” He sighs. His hands in tight fists at his sides. “I’m not good at this. Talking about my feelings.” 

“I’ve noticed.” 

Kylo’s eyes narrow as he snaps his attention back to him. “Can you not be an ass for once?” 

Armitage shrugs. “That depends.” 

Fury rises to Kylo’s expression for a brief second before he takes a deep breath. “Look. I fucked up, yes. I just — You were the best thing in my life. I never thought I would find someone like you, or even have something like we did.” 

It takes everything in Armitage to not laugh. To this day, he still isn’t sure what it was they had. Officially, they never had anything. They just _were_. And Armitage fell harder than he ever imagined he would. he knew. Then, Kylo told him he had to leave. That they couldn’t keep doing this. Not now. 

And now Kylo expects him to believe that it was supposed to benefit him? 

It’s laughable. 

“There are a lot of things I should have done differently. I would have done our whole relationship differently if I had known, but I was dumb. I was a fucking _idiot_ , and you had always deserved so much better.” 

“Things were better. A lot better, in fact,” Armitage tells him, “and then you showed up.” 

Kylo’s face falls. It hurt. Good. 

“You don’t have to forgive me. Tonight; it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.” 

“No, you shouldn’t have. I never wanted to see you again.” 

“Understandable.” 

He hates how much Kylo has actually _changed_. The Kylo he knew would have thrown a fit. Would have screamed at him rather than compose himself. Maybe he _has_ bettered himself. (For him.) Or, more realistically, he was just playing with his mind to get him back into bed. That possibility is still on the table. 

They stand there in silence as Kylo fumbles for words and Armitage stares out into the street. Tonight will be the end. Armitage will go on with his life. He will move on. This could be the closure he needs to move on with his life. There are plenty of men back home he can get. There is one that comes to mind: younger, eager to please, attractive to some eyes. Armitage already has a certain fondness for him, but he’s sure that it could grow over time. He’s not completely torn away off from love, after all. 

“What are we doing here, Kylo?” 

“I—” his words fall short as he looks down at the ground. “I… I don’t know. I thought—” 

“That I would just go crawling back to you?” 

(Like he wants to. Armitage wants nothing more than to go back to Kylo. Wants Kylo to love him like he had. But… that's silly. It is just the dreaded curse of first love that is causing all of this. Kylo isn’t good for him. He needs to remember this.) 

“No! … yes. I don’t fucking know, Armitage.” 

Now, Armitage does laugh. Shakes his head. “This is ridiculous, even for you. You have no idea what you did when you left, do you?” Of course Kylo wouldn’t. He hadn’t cared. “All these years, I had thought it was something I had done, but… but it was all you. All along, it had been you.” Armitage barks out a laugh, shaking his head. “I should have known. How could I have been so stupid?” 

“Armie—” 

“Don’t, Kylo.” He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Almost, it feels like a weight off his shoulders. “I have dealt with enough tonight. I don’t want to hear another one of your excuses. I’m tired and I want to go home.” 

“I— Look. Tonight will just be tonight. Nothing more, I promise. Just— indulge me and your family, and tomorrow you can go back home and forget all of this.” 

Armitage looks back at him. He looks sincere, like he could actually mean it. Armitage considers it. It would be easy to just go home right now. Just head back to his hotel room, pack his things, and catch his flight home. He doesn’t need this. Doesn’t need to do anything, but then — Kylo looks at him with those puppy dog eyes, pleading with him. 

And he’s weak. 

So, so _fucking_ weak. 

“Fine,” he agrees as Kylo beams, and he ignores the way his stomach flips at the sight. 

“We should head back then, yeah?” 

Armitage nods and they make their way back to the house. Kylo doesn’t try to take his hand this time, and he tries not to think about how he misses the warmth of it, the gentle calm that it brought him. No, all of that is over now. Officially. 

Kylo does do the polite thing and help him out of his coat. Even hangs it up for him. And… did Armitage agree to the wrong thing? Should he have let Kylo back into his life? 

No, he shouldn’t. 

His life was better. 

“Oh, I’m glad you two are back. We were just serving dinner.” Maratelle smiles when she sees them, carrying a still steaming bowl in her hands. 

“Here,” Kylo says as he reaches forward to take the bowl from her, “let me take this.” 

“Oh, thank you.” She smiles back at Armitage. And he knows that look in her eyes. The one that tells him he’s a keeper. If she only knew. “Let’s go eat.” 

⁂

Dinner’s fine. Dinner is always fine. Family and friends laugh around a far too long table. Kylo tells a story — maybe it’s a story, Armitage stopped paying attention — revolving about the chaotic mess his family’s holidays always were. He thinks that’s what he’s talking about at least. He’s been too busy twirling his spoon around the bowl of soup in front of him, wondering if he was making a wise decision because, well, his family actually _liked_ Kylo despite all odds. Maratelle is practically enamored with him while Brendol hasn’t found anything too unpleasant to say. 

If Armitage is being honest, Kylo has even made this whole evening just a little more bearable. 

He could see them coming here every year, celebrating with everyone. The loss of Brendol would put a damper on next year’s festivities, but Maratelle has always been an optimistic one. She would keep carrying on because, as she would say, Brendol wouldn’t want them to just because he was dead. (He’s also fairly certain that Rae would have something to do with that judging by how their chairs were seated just a little closer together than need be. He would have to ask about that later.) It would be just like every other Christmas dinner he would have in his life, but, this time, he could have been happy. 

No; he will be happy next year without Kylo hanging around with. 

He hates himself for even thinking about it. 

(They’re done. Officially. Armitage doesn’t have to worry about Kylo anymore. He can move on. He has closure. Maybe he should be wondering if he’ll ask that guy from accounting on a date. He’s seen the looks he has been giving him. Maratelle would probably like him.) 

Something nudges his foot from under the table. When he looks over in the direction, he spots Kylo looking at him with an unasked question. Armitage tries, hopes, that he conveys that he’s fine. Because he is. Really. He’s never been better. 

If someone had asked him what he would do if he had ever seen Kylo Ren again, he wouldn’t have imagined this. He wouldn’t have imagined they would spend the night together, surrounded by his family, pretending to date while agreeing to never talk again afterwards. It sounds so completely ridiculous. So far-fetched, that Armitage would have never even thought of it. 

And now he’s here. 

Whatever fates he may have decided to believe in have never been on his side. 

Armitage has never been more ready for a night to be over. 

⁂

“You have changed, haven’t you?” 

Kylo looks at him, eyebrows raised, surprised. “I told you; I wanted to be better.” 

Armitage hums out a sound of acknowledgement, not completely convinced. Could it have taken Kylo Ren ten years to change? Or was he just scared like he said? Was he really just here to see Armitage again, no strings attached? 

It doesn’t matter. This is all said and done with. Once they leave here, they won’t see each other again. And Armitage is okay with that. First love or not, he needs to move on and now, he might finally get that chance. He has a list of all the men that caught his attention over the last year, and Thanisson has been pushing him to extend those first dates into something more than an awkward conversation and a chaste goodbye. Maybe now, he can. 

At least he has something to thank Kylo for. 

“Thank you,” Kylo says once they’re alone in the hallway. 

Armitage quirks an eyebrow. “For?” 

“Tonight.” 

“You didn’t give me much of a choice, did you?” 

Kylo lets out a nervous chuckle. “No, but you could have put up more of a fight.” 

“I could have.” 

And he’s seen that look in Kylo’s eyes before. The one that thinks he knows something no one else does. Like he can see in Armitage’s mind and expose all his secrets, all the things he’s hiding away for no one else to ever know. 

But he doesn’t; he can’t. Kylo Ren knows _nothing_. 

“Your father,” he says as he looks back into the room they just came from, “he is quite something.” 

“I did hear that you had a chat with him.” 

“I understand why you hate him now.” 

“Was he that bad?” 

“The last time I was that thoroughly questioned, my mom thought I was selling drugs to our ten-year-old neighbor.” 

Armitage raises a questioning eyebrow, unable to stop the corner of his lips twitching up. “Well, were you?” 

“At the time, no.” 

Armitage laughs lightly at this. Typical. 

Kylo bites at his lip like he’s holding back something. No, Armitage won’t ask. It won’t matter. “I suppose we should get going, yeah?” 

He nods, ignoring the strange tightness in his chest. The final goodbye. It is almost bittersweet, he tells himself. He will be able to go home knowing that there was nothing wrong with him. That it all had been Kylo. It provides him with a sense of confidence that he might have been missing all these years. 

“I suppose so. I just need to say goodnight to Maratelle.” 

“Okay.” A pause. “I’ll wait?” 

There is no reason for him to, but Armitage nods as he starts down the hall again. Though, Maratelle must have had the same idea because she meets him halfway there. 

“Armitage,” she smiles softly, holding her arms open and pulling him into a hug. “Thank you so much for coming.” 

“You’re welcome,” he says as he hugs her back. “It was nice seeing everyone again.” 

When they pull apart, her smile has turned just a shade sadder. Neither of them comment on it. They’ve both come to understand that he won’t be coming back until the funeral. 

The ache in his chest grows. 

“Take care of yourself, will you?” 

“Of course, I will,” he promises. “You will too, right?” 

“I always have.” She looks past him and smiles at Kylo. “It was so nice having you here, Kylo. Thank you for coming.” 

“No problem, Mrs. Hux.” 

“What did I tell you? Call me Maratelle.” She closes the distance between them and gives him a hug as well. When they pull apart, she says, “Maybe you can convince him to come visit again.” 

“I’ll try my best, ma’am.” He laughs. “No promises though.” 

Armitage watches him. Despite what’s happening between them, he’s still being a good sport about this. He hasn’t thrown his fits or tantrums. Hasn’t even bothered _trying_ anything with him at all. Armitage likes to think that it has to do with being around his family and their friends. 

He moves next to Kylo, getting ready to say goodbye when Maratelle’s face brightens and she looks up. “Mistletoe!” 

Armitage freezes. 

_No_. 

He follows her gaze and sees the damned plant above them. Dread fills him. “Oh.” 

“You know what that means.” 

“It’s fine, Maratelle. We don’t need to –” 

“It’s bad luck, Armitage!” she insists, like she’s known all along that this was just a sham and is working to get them back together. Maybe Rae has talked to her. “Go on, kiss your boyfriend. I’ll look away if you want me to.” 

Armitage sighs. He won’t get out of this. He turns to look at Kylo. Their eyes lock for a second and his heart pounds in his chest. Kylo’s face is unreadable, but his eyes… they’re looking right at him still. Like he’s the only thing in the room. 

And it’s like that first night all over again. 

Kylo takes a step closer to him. A hand reaches up, carefully caressing his neck, warm, strong, protecting. Armitage feels his defenses crumbling all around him. 

“Well?” Kylo asks, a playful smirk on his lips, thumb running along his jaw, like he knows all the right buttons to push. 

And just like that, Armitage is having his first kiss in ten years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the biggest thank you to [darthkylorevan](https://twitter.com/darthkylorevan) for dealing with me and helping me make this thing work. 
> 
> And yes. There is another part.


End file.
